


Things Have Changed For Me (And That's OK)

by Drippin_w_alchemy



Series: Either/Or [6]
Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: College, Concerts, F/M, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Panic! at the Disco References, Pining, Summer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 04:06:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14228871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drippin_w_alchemy/pseuds/Drippin_w_alchemy
Summary: “Bram of course this is your scene! You know all the words of every song off Pretty. Odd. you of all people deserve to be here.” I’m riled up now. I can’t believe myself for being so short sided, for once again letting Bram feel alone doubting himself. I don’t know what to do I’m so frustrated, until I do.Simon, Bram, Leah, Nick, Abby and Nora head to Atlanta to catch Panic! at the Disco. Simon and Bram deck themselves out getting ready for the emo concert of their summer dreams, and Simon finds his footing as an ally to his boyfriend.Panic! At The Disco - That Green Gentleman:YouTube





	Things Have Changed For Me (And That's OK)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my beta AMH for always helping me get through these and encouraging me to keep going! I hope you all enjoy!

“OK what about this one?” Leah says picking up a sherbert colored comforter. 

I give her a side glance. “Does it glow in the dark?”

“Simon you’re not helping. I need some stupid bedding for next year that subverts this  _ ridiculous _ boy/girl dorm room dichotomy.” She pauses, turning back to the shelves and shelves of prepackaged bed sets, “But I also want it to not show dirt.”

I’m fumbling with some Adventure Time sheets.  _ I don’t need these but who then again who NEEDS Finn & Jake sheets _ . “What is Twin XL anyways? Aren’t Twin beds the smallest possible bed? How can they just, jump from small to XL?”

“You ask tough questions Spier. Maybe somebody made it up to get laid. You, a twin bed. The guy he told you not to worry about, Twin XL.” Leah says picking up a comforter with an octopus cracking a pirate ship in half printed on it. “This is speaking to me.”

My phone buzzes and Bram’s texted me.

Bram:  _ Just got to Abby’s, she’s forced herself on me and is doing my makeup for tonight. No making fun, you’ve been warned :). _

Simon:  _ Makeup?! Wow Bram I never pegged you as the type. Selfie when she’s done? _

That dreaded ellipse pops up and disappears. I can only imagine Abby is stabbing Bram’s eyes with eyeliner and he’s doing whatever he can to not compromise his vision.

Leah and I checkout with what feels like our trillionth Target haul in the last week. All this stuff you need for college is insane, not to mention Leah is on the verge of another reinvention so we’ve been doing a lot of browsing, buying, and returning to make sure her image conveys exactly the right message. Her words, not mine.

I’m pretty lucky Alice has nice taste, being the middle child has it’s perks when your sister goes to college first (and detests the color pink), although I do think those Adventure Time sheets would be a good investment.  _ Maybe I’ll go back for them later, it’d be worth explaining the cartoon to Bram, Adventure Time is gay I think _ ,  _ right? _

I break my train of thought to tell Leah about Bram’s makeover.

“Oh Si, lean into it! Everybody at this concert is going to be wearing eyeliner and black, don’t make him feel weird! Everyone should wear makeup if it makes them feel beautiful,  _ that’s literally the point of makeup _ .” She says turning onto my street.

“I’m not laughing at him!” I say trying to defend myself. “It’s just so  _ not  _ Bram! I hope he’s not just trying to appease Abby, you know he does that a lot for the sake of the groups fun.”

Leah pulls over in front of my house and I hop out of her car. “Look all I’m saying is let him try stuff out without making him feel self conscious. Can you imagine if people had made fun of me when I started wearing drop crotch pants?”

Leah started wearing joggers like exclusively last year. I kind of thought she just had bought a bunch of fancy sweat pants because we were Seniors and beyond trends like when artists wear all black or something. I guess they do look cool though (and are pretty comfy to be honest), but what do I know I’ve been wearing the same jean jacket with my name written on the collar since middle school.

“I’ll keep it in mind.” I say grabbing the car door, “See you tonight!” I’m up the driveway in the house when my phone pings.

Bram’s texted me a selfie, holding up a peace sign with Abby in the background in a full on thirty two teeth grin. Bram’s eyes look like they’re going to pop out of my phone and his hairs been combed down and brushed over his forehead. Abby’s really outdone herself. The thing about Bram is that his soft brown eyes are the most expressive things I’ve ever seen. They’re laid back and dreamy because Bram is laid back and dreamy, but all of a sudden he gets a little eyeliner on and makes his hair a moody mess and I feel like they’re all over me. My jeans are tight and I put my phone in my back pocket, shifting my pants before walking into the house.

I get a glass of water and let Bieber out to take my mind off my ridiculously hot piercing eyes boyfriend. Nora comes downstairs, wearing a black tutu over her jeans. “Too much?” She says, fluffing her skirt.

“Not enough.” I reply with a smirk. “Hey Nora can you help me with something?”

\--

We’re waiting by the front door for Bram to pull around the corner. “Simon stop touching it you’re gonna mess it up!” Nora swats my hand.

“I’m sorry! I can’t help it!” I say back. Have I always touched my hair this much? Maybe this is why I always have bed head.

Bram pulls around the corner and beeps his horn once. So polite even when he’s trying to tell us to hurry the hell up.

Nora’s out the door and I look at myself one more time, raising my hand to my hair and resisting the urge to touch. I walk outside and see Bram look up at his phone. His mouth is open and my face is so. Hot. Nora opens the side door and I hear Abby cat calling at me.

“Simon where did you even get a leather jacket!” Abby howls. I open the passenger door and climb in.

“Uh it’s, Nora’s…” I say trailing off and looking down at my Chuck Taylors. I look up at Bram and his Eye of Sauron gaze is going to set me on fire. “Hi” I say.

“Wow Simon, Hi.” He says leaning over to give me a kiss. “How did you get your hair to stand up like that?”

“It’s called a pompadour, Brammer time.” Nora chimes in. “Honestly it’s not a hard thing to do, it takes a comb and  _ hairspray _ . Aren’t you guys gay?”

“Bram asked me who Kylie Jenner was today.” Abby says stone faced. “I tried to put a lip kit on him.”

“Hey let them be stereotypes or not be stereotypes.” Nick says grabbing the back of Bram’s headrest. “You guys look great. Can. We. GO!” He says rattling around the car. Bram starts to laugh and puts the car in drive.

Nick has a strict ‘no listening to the band we’re seeing before the concert’ rule so I put on some Fall Out Boy to get us in the mood. Abby and Nora are admiring Leah’s red ringleader coat she made for herself for tonight, and Nick’s singing along to himself, lost in his own little Nick world.

I look over at Bram and he’s got a flat billed hat on over his smoothed out hair. He never wears hats, or all black for that matter, but Panic has been planned for months and it took a lot of finesse to get all of our parents to agree to let us go to a concert in Atlanta unsupervised. Bram reaches over and tugs at Nora’s leather jacket. “It looks great Si, I didn’t know your hair could get that tall. Can I touch it?” He reaches his hand up and runs his hand along the side slicking my hair back.

“Did you just ask to touch my hair? How long have you been waiting on that one?” I say with a grin, turning my head into his hand.

“Watch it Spier, this is payback for years of kids reaching across my desk to cop a feel without my permission.”  _ Touch _ _ é _ _ Bram _ .

“You know this isn’t my first rodeo when it comes to eyeliner.” I say, batting my eyelashes like I’m about to seize. Bram keeps giving me these quick side glances, I can tell this is driving him nuts, his commitment to the rules of driving barely win out, but thank God they do. A major condition for our parents letting us go out tonight: Bram was the only one allowed to drive us downtown, end of discussion.

“You don’t need to remind me.” Bram says, sitting up and shifting in the driver’s seat. Bram didn’t always like Panic! at the Disco, when we started dating, he started listening to all this pop punk music for me. I could always tell he liked the music, but getting him to go to shows was tough. Not a lot of people go to emo shows who aren’t white. I think it makes him uncomfortable, and why wouldn’t it? Listening to music about feeling like you don’t belong is great when you’re in a room surrounded with other self described misfits. If there’s not actually a space for you, well I’m sure that must be pretty isolating. He must really love me.

I grab his hand from my face and hold it until we park. I want him to know he belongs, no matter the dive we’re in, even if it’s the band that sparked my sexual awakening.

We stand in line outside the marquee and play marry/boff/kill with different front men from our favorite groups. Leah loses it when Bram says he would marry Conor Oberst and I swear to God she has tears in her eyes hearing Bram talk about how he envied his choker look. I don’t know why I worried about standing out with my hair done up clad in all black. Leah’s not even the only person here wearing red coattails even, there’s people here in freaking  _ top hats _ . The line starts to move and you would think we were in line for a new iPhone Nick is so close to me, practically walking on his tiptoes to slow down his own inertia.

We’re inside now, three rows of people back from the front. The guy who used to be Jack’s Mannequin but now is doing some other project I haven’t followed is singing and playing on a piano up on stage. I look around and make eye contact with Leah who nods her head in my direction, telling me to turn around. I love that about Leah, we can go to a hyper extrovert heavy event like a show in Atlanta and she’s right there with me, people watching and taking it all in.

I turn my head and Bram’s behind me, looking down at his feet and on his phone. “Hey.” I say, pulling at the hem of his hoodie. “What’re you looking at?”

“Oh nothing, just looking to see if I can find their set list from the last show they did.” Bram says not looking up.

“You OK?” I say, I put my arm around the small of his back and lean over his phone. Leah’s texting him saying she’ll step outside with him if he gets overwhelmed. Another text comes through on Bram’s phone.

Leah:  _ Hi Simon, talk to your boyfriend. _

Leave it to Leah to be more attentive to my own boyfriend than I am. “Bram, what’s up? Do you wanna get some air before they go on?”

“No Simon, I’m OK, honest.” Bram says putting his phone away. “I just get kind of anxious being at shows like this, you know.” He says putting his arm under mine. A group of girls in front of us nonchalantly turns to look at Bram and I. Then comes the whispers and laughter as their heads snap back towards the stage. 

_ This freaking shit right now _ . “Unbelievable, even in the city we have to deal with this.” I say loud enough so that they can hear me.

“This is how I always feel Babe.” Bram says dropping his hand from my waist.

“I know we’ve had our share of homophobia in Shady Creek B, but getting out of the suburbs is supposed to-” Bram cuts me off.

“No, Babe this is how I  _ always _ feel.” Bram says. He’s not talking about being gay, he’s talking about being gay  _ and  _ black. I’m a colossal idiot.

“I’m sorry.” I squeak out. “I should’ve known. I would’ve known, if I wasn’t so focused on having fun tonight.”

“It’s not your fault.” Bram says emphatically.  _ It is kind of, I’m dating a black jewish gay guy and have been for two years, you think I would’ve gleaned something about intersectionality at this point _ . “This place just isn’t going to be my scene anytime soon.”

“Bram of course this is your scene! You know all the words to every song off Pretty. Odd. you of all people deserve to be here!” I’m riled up now. I can’t believe myself for being so short sighted, for once again letting Bram feel alone, doubting himself. I don’t know what to do I’m so frustrated, until I know exactly what to do.

“Excuse me!” I say, pushing forward and tapping the girl who snickered at us on the shoulder. She turns around, phone in hand she looks me up and down and moves her mouth into a pucker. “Yeah, Hi. I don’t know what you all are whispering and giggling about but you’re making my boyfriend and I uncomfortable. Would you knock it off?”

“It’s just interesting, two guys holding hands at a Panic concert.” She says nonchalantly. “You don’t see that everyday.”

Leah’s suddenly behind me, somehow, from somewhere she has acquired a top hat. “You know what, then you need to get out more.” She says. The top hat helps her look bigger than she is. “We’re here to have a good time and we are going to bring this place  _ down _ when Panic starts, regardless of what you think is  _ interesting _ .” She’s yelling now and people are starting to look towards us. I feel Bram slide up next to me and grab my hand. “You can apologize whenever, we’re waiting.”

Their looking at us bug eyed, and one by one they all start to shuffle their feet and mumble sorries to the ground. This isn’t enough for me. “Thanks, really heartfelt.” I say sliding in front of them. “On second thought, we’re going to take your spots. Bigots don’t get front row seats.” One of the girls throws her hands up, and makes a look like she’s going to get security.

“Do it.” Leah says. “Go get someone to wade into this crowd of people and kick us out. We’ll be sure to let them know what homophobes you are as you saunter off.” Abby, Nick and Nora are paying attention now, suddenly our numbers have doubled and they can tell we’re not messing around.

They slink back, I pull Bram up so he’s standing in front of me and put my arm around his waist. Abby, Nick and Nora crowd around us and Leah stands proudly in the back, blocking their view with her top hat crown.

Bram looks at me and doesn’t say anything, just a quick side smile and a look with those radiant eyes of his. It says multitudes. I feel resolve without relief, this is how we move forward, less thought, more action. I rest my head on his shoulder and pull him a little closer to me.

The house lights go down, and the crowd goes wild. I’ve never heard Bram scream so loud.


End file.
